The Best FetLife Alternatives in the UK

Why people look beyond FetLife

FetLife launched in January 2008 and has grown into the largest social network for kink, with groups, writings, photos and event listings. Its founder has long called it an anti-dating site, and its own help pages explain that you cannot search people by age or sex because it is a social network.

That is a deliberate choice, and many people love it for that reason. But if your main goal is dating, it means a lot of scrolling through groups and discussions before you find someone nearby who wants the same thing. That is the main reason people search for sites like FetLife.

At a glance

FetishDatingSite.co.uk: a dating site for UK fetish singles and couples of every orientation. Profiles built around interests and limits, search by location, and consent guides written for beginners.

Feeld: founded in London in 2014 as 3nder and renamed in 2016. Open-minded singles and couples, with partner linking and a wide range of gender and sexuality options. Free to use, with a paid Majestic membership for extras such as seeing who liked you and Incognito mode.

Recon: running since 1999 and based in London. The leading fetish app for gay, bi, queer, trans and curious men into gear. Not designed for women. Read our Recon guide.

Alt.com: one of the oldest alternative lifestyle dating sites, with a large but largely American membership. See our Alt.com comparison.

Collarspace: a long-running BDSM personals and community site with forums and journals. Dated in design and busy with spam according to many reviewers. See our Collarspace comparison.

Which alternative suits which person

If you are a man into leather, rubber or gear and want other men, Recon is hard to beat. If you are exploring non-monogamy or are a couple looking for a third, Feeld is popular, especially in London. If you want a dating site focused on kink across the whole UK, open to every orientation, with city pages from Belfast to Brighton, that is what we built FetishDatingSite.co.uk for.

Many people use more than one. A common pattern is FetLife for finding local munches and reading groups, and a dating site for one to one conversations. There is nothing wrong with that.

What to check before you join any of them

Who is actually on it near you. A big global number means little if most members are in another country. Look at UK and local activity.

Privacy controls. Can you keep photos private, hide your profile from search, and control who can message you?

Cost and renewals. Check what the free tier really allows and whether paid plans renew automatically.

Safety culture. Does the site talk about consent and meeting safely, or leave it to chance? Our consent guide is a good benchmark.

Keeping FetLife for what it is good at

Even if you date elsewhere, FetLife remains one of the best ways to find UK munches, workshops and club nights. Read what a munch is and our guide to UK munches and kink events before your first one.

When you are ready to meet someone one to one, Signup Here. Returning members can Sign in.